Tuesday, 6th August, 2019

Why women take so long in the bathroom?

Short answer: because you’re an imbecile!

Long answer:

You see, women are god’s greatest work of art when he was at his creative most. He took time to perfect every curve & detail. While you, a man, is what god made on a bored sunday afternoon. Just threw limbs n stuff & called you a human.

Now, they know how to take care of their bodies. While in the bathroom they remove blackheads from the nose, they shave hair from legs n stuff, they take a shower long enough to actually clean dirt & sweat, they take time to exfoliate, they scrub to remove dead skin cells.

And when they shampoo they do it twice, did you know that? That’s because they have longer hair, but also they take time to use fingers to do a scrubbing action against hair to make sure the foam actually goes deep till the roots of the hair & cleans the scalp off anything that might cause dandruff or worse lice, because they really love their hair. And most of them take a shower in the evening too.

While, for you, my nasty male brethren, bathing is an optional activity which happens if time permits today, tomorrow or day after. You go into the bathroom with the same enthusiasm of a domestic cat when it is forced to shower. You go in like a pig jumps into a mud puddle & comes outside in a flash. You just sprinkle some water over your head & body and call that a bath. And on the rare occasion when you decide to use this amazing innovation called soap or shampoo, it barely goes into your deeply hidden body-coves to do a shabby job of cleaning, if any at all.

And you scoff at a second shower after coming from work. Don’t want to kill those germs created from your hard earned sweat now, do we.

So comparing your bathing time to that of a woman’s is like comparing the time taken between making a sand castle vs making the Taj Mahal.

And as they do all of this on a daily basis, not just when it is a special occasion, they’re actually fast. If you were to do all of that, you would be in the bathroom till noon.

Women consider their bodies as a temple, cleanliness as their religion and bathing as a ritual. Shower gel, charcoal mask, facial scrub, body butter, bath salt, aloe vera gel, glycerine soap, conditioner are just some of the products I am aware of which they use to worship this temple.

That is also why, a lady smells nice till the end of the evening. While despite your best efforts to hide that shameful stink of yours using clouds of gas deo sprays in the morning, it eventually resurfaces & you smell like a dead dog’s rotten carcass by the time afternoon rolls in.

Men are light years behind women when it comes to personal hygiene, but there is till hope. So if you wish to learn the fine art of making yourself presentable & turn heads like they do, then consider this article as a beginner’s guide.